Hello my wonderful people! I hope that you are having a lovely Tuesday night and if you are currently enrolled in AP classes, I'm sending virtual hugs to you right now. You can make it through this. Anyways, thought this was some "food-for-thought" kinda blog post. Enjoy my friends.
When I was in fourth grade, our school invited this really cool author of a popular children's book and we had a whole assembly dedicated to her. Arbitrarily enough, I was picked to go on stage and receive her first signed book. To this day, it's sitting on my bookshelf, and while it's collecting dust, the message behind it will not be forgotten. There was a quote by this author that 9 year old me really admired, and I don't think that I really appreciated its relevance to society today until now: Don't judge a man until you've walked two moons in his moccasins. —Sharon Creech In essence, this quote talks about perspectives and how, often times, we judge before we even talk to the person. We scream in their faces before we even make the effort to listen. It seems as if the world right now listens with deaf ears. We nod and we say that we understand when in reality, we don't. We read what we want to read, skewing data and marginalizing research. This is especially hard for someone like me who loves voicing out my opinions. I cannot be one who bubbles their emotions within; I'd rather say what I have to say out loud. And often times, these opinions of mine are very blunt and I don't take into consideration what others might feel. I remember specifically in some car rides with my mom, we'd talk about huge social issues such as climate change or the silent oppression Asian Americans face. We'd talk about gender inequality in businesses and certain stereotypes we associate with particular genders. I'd say, "How do people not realize that climate change doesn't exist?! It's facts! Facts are right in front of your face, and so how can you still deny it!" I'd also say, "How do people not realize that not ALL Asian Americans are geniuses, and that it's through hard work/dedication where we can prosper. How do people not realize that positive discrimination is still discrimination!" I'd also say something along the lines as, "The fact that we still associate nurses, receptionists, or secretaries as women really says something about the advancement in women's rights in the 21st century." As you might have noticed in the aforementioned quotes by me, I have a very "left" or "liberal" mind and I like to broadcast it very loudly. This is mainly due to the amount of passion I feel about these topics and can only translate these emotions into words. And sometimes, I don't realize the heaviness of what I say because I am so angered by these injustices and only the wiseness of my mother can allow me to rethink things. My mom would say, "Well Judy. Maybe some people know that climate change is real, but don't want to accept the reality because it will destroy their facade of a perfect life." She'd also say, "You cannot blame the public for not knowing something that is not broadcasted to them. Asian Americans do not enjoy being in the spotlight with things like this, and often want to be kept in the dark. It's been like this our entire life, so it's tremendously difficult to expect something different." She'd also say something along the lines as, "Women have more rights as of right now than in the past and have been recognized by the vast majority as an oppressed group. This didn't happen in the 1980's, so I believe our country is progressive when it comes to this. There will always be inequality in this world, but we have less of it now than ever." Okay, my point is that there's always two sides to a story. And while facts may be facts, there is always two sides to one's reaction to those facts. Nothing can be set in stone and therefore one should not preach their opinions as if it's set in stone. The beauty of seeing society in different limelights gives us a way to form a wholesome picture of the world today. As a teenager, this is difficult. We all want to be right. I guess that the first step in being right the next time is recognizing that you can be wrong this time. Until next time. -Judy
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Hello my beautiful people; I hope that you are having a lovely Tuesday night. Luckily, all my tests were postponed until next week, and so I am unencumbered by any stress for the rest of the week! Woohoo! Usually, if you didn't know already, my inspiration is derived from conversations with my friends or any current aspects to my life that are important. My friends and I just so happened to be in a heated discussion about this. Enjoy!
We talk of fighting against the current. Of not succumbing to societal pressures, staying "true to ourselves" and all that bullsh*t. Of being strong, independent women who don't need others to dictate and decide their futures for them. In essence, we talk of non-conformity. Of individuality. Of uniqueness. I think that especially as teenagers, it's incredibly difficult for us to make rational decisions. Often times, we want to protest against our parents, but when it comes to real life, these decision-making skills are most likely inadequate. Often times, we don't know what we want to be when we grow up. We don't know what we want to do. We don't know which classes to take next year, and even if we do, that decision is carefully curated by parents and peers. It is so difficult nowadays to even begin and understand individuality when the majority of teenagers are just following what everyone else is doing. "Oh, you're taking 2 AP classes next year? I'll do that too!" or "Oh, you're not taking any honors or AP classes? I'll follow in your footsteps!" Often times, we find ourselves a role model, someone for us to mimic our lives and accomplish the same goals as they did. Honestly, I never really believed in the idea of a role model. Sure, there are certain qualities about a certain person that I'd be happy to attain and there are certain people that I admire, but I wouldn't classify them as a "role model." Having a role model, or someone to look up to, often makes it difficult for you to make your own decisions and choose the path of your life you're content with the most. A role model inadvertently steers you towards a specific direction that you may or may not want to pursue. For example, what if you admired this junior who's taking numerous AP courses along with participating in numerous extracurriculars? You, basically, would want to be just like her. And so you take the same classes that she took when she was your age and "follow in her footsteps." You become a mini version of the people you admire the most. And while I totally encourage the idea of admiring someone and their talents, becoming a miniaturized version of your role model definitely serves as detrimental to your future endeavors. Honestly speaking, conformity comes in numerous shapes and sizes. Whether it be conforming to societal norms by doing what everyone else is doing or conforming to everyone else's opinions just so you could hide your own, following in the steps of others only serves as a loss in individuality. Personally, I think that it's entirely wonderful to be different. To not take the same classes as everyone else is taking, to know what you want and pursue it regardless of other's opinions. To not have the same viewpoints as others, allowing intellectual conversations to blossom into fruition. Is different such a bad thing? Why must we follow the herd of sheep or ride out the ocean waves together? Why can't we create our own path and carve our own future? Why is it so hard to break through the wall of conformity that stands in every teenager's way? And honestly, I can't answer that question for you. As much as I would want to, breaking away from conformity is an act that only prospers through the maturity of you as a person. It is only then when you can understand the true beauty of being different from everyone and not giving a sh*t about it. Until next time. -Judy Hello my beautiful people! Unfortunately, my Spring Break has ended, leaving me in a perpetual state of "I don't know how to go back to school with my sanity intact." But oh well, eventually, I'll get used to it. Anyways, I am here to talk about one of the most important problems in teenagers today that I personally have dealt with. Enjoy!
I even have trouble talking about it now and I admit that most teenagers would rather not discuss societal issues such as depression, panic attacks, or anxiety. They would much rather talk about Coachella or who got wasted at Ryan's party last Sunday. They would much rather not have deep and identity-stripping conversations during lunch. Because those conversations seemingly exist behind closed doors, at 11 pm, and with one person you would dare to bare your soul to. No one enjoys talking about their deepest fears and secrets because they make us vulnerable. We don't like to share our emotions out to the world due to a fear of what the world might say back. And so we keep the conversations light-hearted, substance-less. We laugh and sing old songs while munching on pretzels, and for the time being, everything is okay. In that moment, everyone is happy. Because crying is a sign of weakness, society proclaims. Crying shows that you are a weakling and cannot survive in this harsh environment. Crying seems as if you've given up. And so what do we do instead? We bury our sadness with sarcasm. Our dejection with fake smiles. Our anxiety with a nervous laughter. I think everyone has a sort of mask that they portray to the outside world, me included. If I am having a bad day or generally a bad week, I will say to myself: You can do this Judy. You are strong. You can beat it. And so a lot of the time, I don't recognize that my friends are suffering and they don't recognize that I am suffering because we have all developed a way to hide our emotions. We have all constructed a perfectly-fitting mask that rests above our face. The mask portrays elation and exuberance when our interior actually shows anxiety and stress. My friends, no one likes to talk about the scary topics. They don't want to think about anxiety or stress or fear because they all have a negative connotation and are all deemed as "depressing thoughts." Or, no one likes talking about their real problems in life. Sure, you got a C on a math test and was feeling incredibly upset and wanted your friends to comfort you. That's an easy task. What about familial problems? Cancer? Suicide? Divorce? All of these topics are rarely talked upon by teenagers today because none of us feel comfortable talking about it. And none of us are really okay with telling anyone. Okay, friends. True story here. A couple weeks ago, in a car ride home from school, my mom spills the news: there's a chance that she has breast cancer. Our family doesn't have the breast cancer gene, but the doctor detected some symptoms that clearly point to breast cancer. In order to conduct further analysis on my mom, she must undergo surgery to extract breast tissue and they must take a look at the "lumps" in her breast closer (this is second-hand information, but hopefully you get the gist. I'm not a medically-licensed doctor, if ya didn't notice). And so I asked when the surgery was, and she says: two days from now. This was shocking. Not only was I angry at my mom for not telling me, but I was also angry at the doctors for even bringing up the topic of cancer. And being the exaggerative teenager I am, my thoughts went to the worst ideas possible. I never thought about what it would be like if I didn't have my mom and that idea scared me the most. And I never felt comfortable going in depth and talking about this with my friends because I assumed that our conversations were always supposed to be "light and buoyant." The closest "dark" issue we would discuss is politics, but politics is never personal in the sense that it effects each person differently. So I just braved the problem head on, and when my mom's results were "not cancer," the entire world seemed okay. Looking back now, things weren't okay. The problem was that I couldn't seem to deeply talk to my friends about it. I mean, what are they supposed to say, you know? Teenagers aren't expected to be able to handle these types of conversations, and I completely understand that. We are still children after all. But the idea that I couldn't share my emotions with my closest friends was something entirely troublesome. I felt confined within the walls of a box society placed me in, and yet I was expected to be at school everyday smiling and pretending everything's fine. The motto "fake it till you make it" can only extend so far. I think what that motto is trying to persuade people is to gain self-confidence. But one cannot pretend that everything is okay when their whole world is seemingly collapsing, can they now? So I guess what I'm saying is that people need to feel more comfortable with the idea of sharing their thoughts and emotions, no matter how personal it can be. I understand that familial problems are just supposed to remain in the family, but it might help if you got outside counseling too. Maybe that's why I find such great solace in writing; it allows me to spill my emotions without ever having the fear of other people reacting to what I say. I can write everything down in a little notebook, shut it tight, and hide it somewhere in my room where only I can find it. It's a lot easier than talking to a person about it. I must say that writing does help a lot. It helps me to crack the mask I wear, but it does not entirely break it down. A lot of people have built so much of an outside shell that they barely recognize their true self. What ends up happening is their exterior persona entirely consuming their inner self. And so I will end this blog post with a thought: Be the kind of person that is unafraid to share your emotions and be the kind of person that is unafraid to talk about them with others. Until next time. -Judy Hello my beautiful people! First off, I would like to strictly apologize for my lack of a blog post last week; my brain did not feel like producing good content for you guys to read and so I felt that I shouldn't write some shitty garbage just for the sake of posting something. As stated before, the flow of constant ideas has been a small trickle these days, but I can slowly feel my "writer's block" dissipating. Anyways, in light of recent conversations that I have had with my friends, here's a post that (hopefully) everyone can enjoy.
Maturity. It's a word that, although given a definition, has an infinite number of meanings to different people. Maturity is a concept that's difficult to describe, just as no one can define a specific color, or sound, or smell, or anything that is entirely subjective to all and impervious to none. To me, maturity is having a better understanding of the world around you and becoming better at adapting to it. To others, maturity is simply when one grows up and reaches adulthood. However, although one would assume that adults know everything about everyone and hold all the answers, that's simply not true. I think that there is no age restriction upon maturity, but rather it is a process that continues until the day we die. I also think that a lot of high schoolers must go through a "personality shift" (for lack of a better word) before they graduate to college. Because in reality, the college/adult word is not so friendly and the consequences are much more severe when you're 25 than when you're 15. If you plagiarize in high school, you fail your assignment. If you plagiarize in college, you get expelled from that institution. And while some say that high school doesn't prepare you for the real world (aka doing taxes, mortgage payments, etc.), I believe that high school does expose people to some horrible aspects of life. And when exposed at such an impressionable age, I think that people can change their perspective or viewpoint based off of that horrible experience so that it doesn't happen again in the real world. You see, I have this problem regarding me caring too much about what others thought of me. I thought that if I made everyone else happy, I could empathize and be happy in return. Unfortunately, the idea of pleasing every single person is an impossible feat. And as a result of this naïvete, there were some people that were not-so-nice and ended up being not-so-nice to me. And I got hurt from it because I cared too much. 14-year-old Judy thought that she could smile and laugh and portray that effervescent persona to the outside world and the outside world would reflect those same emotions right back. Alas, that is not how things work. And so I think that sometimes, the horrible experiences we have in high school can be shaped to be life-altering lessons. Although those life-altering lessons may not always be positive, at least they paint a better picture of the real world than any book, movie, or TV show ever could. At least you know what you're getting into. That's what maturity is. It's simply to learn from your mistakes and understand why those mistakes occurred. It's realizing what exactly the real world holds, whether it may be good or bad. For example, if you have been keeping up with the news regarding Donald Trump's presidency, you might have heard that he plans to build a wall barricading undocumented immigrants from Mexico to come to America. My little brother in the car today scoffed at this atrocious idea. He said, "Donald Trump is so stupid. Why is he going to build a wall if the Mexican immigrants can just go on an airplane and fly over it?" See? That one off-handed remark from a little kid proves exactly how innocent children can be. And it's not their fault. They were never exposed and they probably won't get exposed to the horrors of society until around high school. So my point is that society seems to believe that children are innocent, teenagers will be angsty and moody and not give a crap about the future of the world and adults are mature and know all. That's the norm. But on the contrary, teenagers are the ones who actually become exposed to reality and they are the ones who must learn to adapt from it. We get bullied, we get body-shamed, we get kissed, we get called out in class, we get yelled at, we get punched, we get slapped, we get rejected, we get dumped, we get ostracized. We. Get. Exposed. As a teenager and to all the teenagers out there reading this, take those horrible experiences (and the good ones too) and make something beautiful out of them. And almost unconsciously, maturity will come. Until next time. -Judy Hello my beautiful people! Hopefully, everyone is having a wonderful Tuesday evening (I know I am because of minimal homework!). Okay anyways, there's just been a couple things I need to say and I figured: why not make it a blog post? Enjoy!
I'm sure in newspapers or magazines, there's always those pages titled "Letters to the Editor" where common people ask arbitrary questions and the editor in chief replies. Well, since we are in a post mortem age of change, instead of letters to the editor, why not letters from the editor? And for the hell of it, why not letters from the blogger (I do understand a blog can never be seen with the same prestige was a newspaper, but just go with it)? So here's my letter from the blogger. Dear readers or viewers or whatever you want to call yourselves, My lack of learning in my English class has sorrowfully translated towards this shindig of a blog. I find it increasingly difficult to share my ideas and even harder for them to conveyed upon paper. I can feel my literary skills slipping away and that saddens me deeply. And what's even more troubling is that I have no idea how to get them back. How do I get them back to the same level they were before? But maybe they aren't my reading and writing skills that are slipping, but rather a sort of writer's block that I have been going through. And honestly, I wouldn't even call it a writer's block, but rather a writer's fear to write because all the other writers are infinitely better and more talented. See, the approximate time when I first began to feel this "block" (for lack of a better word) was just a couple weeks after I got into Journalism at my high school. This class is a collection of 85% juniors and seniors, 14% sophomores, and 1% freshmen. The intimidation is real and I think that it's because of that intimidation that has been holding me back. Every time I try to write in that class, I feel judged by all the editors considering their writing style and use of word choice outmatches mine 100-0. So little by little, almost subconsciously, I let a part of me go. And that part of me was the part that made me sane. That was writing. For a little while, I let writing go. I forgot about it a little bit, overwhelmed by schoolwork and extracurriculars and the intimidation presented to me daily in that class. I lost touch with writing and the ramifications were beyond serious. I lost the ability to submerge myself in words. Before, I never cared about what I wrote or who I wrote it to. If it came from within myself and I liked it enough, the fear of judgement never existed. I never cared what other people thought of my writing until they started noticing it and the unwelcome pressure came along. Now, every idea I conjure up in my brain doesn't seem good enough or whatever I write nowadays seems more of a desperate cry to please the audience rather myself. I'm no longer writing to satisfy this part of myself but to make sure the piece is rid of grammatical errors, oxford commas and so forth. Every time I write a sentence I imagine: is this good enough? Can I do better? And the answer very often is: I can. And then I become dissatisfied with what I'm writing, decide to scrap the whole document, and start over. I don't know the exact details of how and why this happened; I just know that it did. It happened. I lost my groove. And I think that it's going to take a helluva long time to get it back. If you understand what I'm going through right now, please leave a comment or something so I can know that I'm not a delusional teenager. And if you don't understand this whole situation and think it's completely stupid, I understand that too. To put things simply, I don't feel like me right now. And I sure as hell don't like it. So I guess what I'm saying is that I hope that you guys at least know what's going on (if you've noticed the lack of authenticity in my past blog posts). It's nice to get this off of my chest and tell you guys. Let's hope next week is better, yeah? Until next time. -Judy Hello my beautiful people! The rain has suddenly decided to creep into my city and now the only sound I hear are the wonderful clicking of computer keys along with the pitter-pattering of rain drops on my rooftop. Anyways, in light of colleges releasing their application decisions, here's a post that is much needed to any high school student (or student actually). Enjoy!
My little brother is currently in second grade and last week, it was Career Day. This meant that the kids in his class had to pick a job that piqued their interest and "dress up" as that person for the day. And so I came home to my brother running around the house with his scrubs, scrub cap, stethoscope, gloves, and a hospital mask screaming "I want to be a surgeon when I grow up!" That little anecdote made me remember when I wanted to be a librarian when I was at the ripe ol' age of 5. Back then, everything was so simple; you did what you wanted to do and you didn't give a shit what other people thought. Now that I'm a little bit older and a little less naive, I have to consider the problem of having a stable income, of a job that pursues my passion, and that I will genuinely be happy performing that job. For the many teenagers that are biting their nails over their college acceptance/rejection letters and wondering what they want to do in their adult life, picking a job profession can be increasingly difficult. For some, it's easy. They've known since they were in fifth grade that they wanted to be an astrophysicist even before they knew what the word "astrophysicist" meant. Some kids just knew that they wanted to look and understand the stars and galaxies. Meanwhile, little girls (and boys #fightgenderstereotypes) might have dreamed of becoming a fashion designer or a model. Or, there's people that have yearned to become actors or a cinematographer and spent their days hiding behind a laptop or camera, editing videos or shooting pics. I thought I knew what I wanted to be. I think that I still know what I want to be, but now that my brain is wired towards the "real world" and not "5-year old fantasy land," the variety of options towards future careers is massive and hella scary. See, when I was in fifth grade, I saw this movie called Legally Blonde. For those who don't know the movie (or have been living under a rock), the film discusses a "stereotypical, dumb" blonde who uses her looks and fame to get into Harvard Law School to chase after her ex-boyfriend. However, after she's exposed to the rigorous and intensity that law brings, her skills as a defense lawyer flourished and she ended up succeeding greatly in life. So....after I saw that movie, I decided to engrain into my brain that I wanted to become a lawyer. And possibly go to Harvard (don't worry, my expectations have lowered exceedingly). So after that day, whenever people asked me what I wanted to be, I'd always say: lawyer. It was the easiest answer and there were people that grew jealous of me knowing what I wanted my future to look like. My friends didn't know what they wanted to be when they grew up and spent "x" amount of hours searching for a passion or a glimmer in the right direction. Now, my reason for wanting to be a lawyer have changed because my perspective towards my future has changed. In a way, I idolized the main character from that movie and wanted to be just like her. But now that I have participated in extracurricular activities such as mock trial and moot court, I have really come to understand what it means to want to pursue something badly. I don't think that everyone needs to "pick their passion" or pick something their good at in high school. It's also hard to "find an interest" when you don't even know where to begin. I mean, I want to become a lawyer and advocate for those who don't have the ability to advocate for themselves, but my mind is also open to other options. For example, in the back of my brain, there's always that small little sliver of me becoming a law professor or writing a novel or reviewing books for an esteemed newspaper or something along the lines like that. What I'm saying is that the future is not set in stone (wow! that's so cheesy), but rather there are certain measures you can take in the present to ensure some things occurring in the future. This means that it's OK to keep an open mind regarding your future endeavors and it's OK to not know what you want to be. A job is basically a "title" that categorizes you into a specific socioeconomic class and enforces society to restrict you to the confines of a tiny box. So, rather thinking of "what do you want to be when you grow up," think of: what do you like to do? Is it art? Music? Science? Math? English? Drama? What makes you happy? (Besides watching Netflix of course. Oh how I wish that could be a real profession) What's your favorite part of the day? What makes your heart sing and makes you come alive with excitement? What makes you sit on the edge of your sit and listen attentively to what the teacher's saying? The easiest way to find out what you want to do is to find out what you love to do. And if you don't love anything at the moment, find the opportunities to love new things! And keep in mind that you DO NOT have to have your life figured out at 15 years of age. All I'm saying is that it's very beneficial to have a rough idea of what you want to do. That way, your future will consist of the pursuant of that career rather than spending years figuring out what that career is. I know that I'm just a freshman, and am "getting ahead of myself," but this emotion of feeling lost has plagued me for quite some time and is now releasing its power upon my peers. I understand that this sucks and it's scary to think about your future, much less plan it. And there are going to be times where life throws you a massive curveball and obliterates your plans. But hey! You just gotta roll with it. I have this quote from eighth grade that my English teacher gave to me on the last day of school. It was a sort of reminder that everything, eventually, was going to be ok: "Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer." ——Rainer Maria Rilke, "Letters to a young Poet" Until next time. -Judy Hello everybody! I hope that you are having a lovely Tuesday evening. Daylight Savings Time is finally kicking in, and while I have to wake up an hour early, the beautiful sunrises in the morning are definitely worth it. Anyways, I hope that you enjoy this little blog post of mine. P.S. This is an extension off of last week's post because I just realized that I had more to say about this topic!
Recently, I have spent every waking moment of my life thinking about school. The conversations even after school have only been secluded to the latest test scores, essay due dates, upcoming quizzes, the list is endless. This has literally become my life. However, once people look past the notebooks, graphing calculators, Word documents, they'll come to realize that other aspects of their life are every bit as pertinent and in need of attention. Whether it be family or friends, people (especially me) have to understand that there is more to life than school. There is more to living than acing your math test or doing well on an essay. And while doing well in class is a fundamental skill to success, we're teenagers for god's sake! Our time as teenagers right now is fleeting. I will never be 16 again or 14 or 17. Shouldn't I be taking in everything life has to offer rather than forcing myself to take classes I hate just because it'll look good on a college application? Why am I going to torture myself with taking an entire biology course over the summer just so I have the prerequisite to take an AP Biology class during my sophomore year? I don't even like biology! Of course, I understand that there are certain people in the world who want to excel at maybe a particular subject (such as public speaking, writing, mathematics, etc.) and will spend the extra time to refine their skills, such as taking an extra class over the summer. That, I understand because I can personally vouch that having a passion is the greatest thing in the world. But then there are the overachievers. Honestly, I'm probably one of them, but now, I'm realizing the ridiculousness of the situation. Recently, I heard a sophomore discussing her courses for the next year. She was going to take AP Chemistry over the summer along with Spanish and that way, she could take AP Physics during the school year along with an extra AP class, resulting in 6 AP classes within a schedule consisting of 6 periods. That is one AP per period. The problem is that she doesn't even like science! She's an artist who enjoys math and yet, she is doing all of these things because it'll look like she's "driven" and "hard-working" on college applications. In my opinion, that isn't "driven" and "hard-working." That is a person trying to do everything all at once, and while she might succeed brilliantly at it (in most cases, people flop from the pressure), what's the point in all of this? Does valedictorian really mean that you're the smartest person in the grade? Or is it simply a title that people torture themselves to achieve and can earn the ability to check that box labeled "valedictorian" on a college app? I feel like everyone should just do the things they thoroughly enjoy when it comes to school and that is the only thing that matters. Who cares that you can figure out the Theory of Relativity and analyze Shakespeare at the same time? While it might be incredibly impressive, the only person this affects is you. The level of stress and anxiety over schools has got to stop. People need to understand that there is more to life than school. Go on adventures with your friends! Try hiking or biking down the west coast with beautiful sunshine in your face! Do anything and everything to escape the confines of your room and understand that it is perfectly fine to not be brilliant in everything. In fact, people will end up being simply mediocre when trying to do everything. Then again, if you're the type of person who wants to push yourself to the limits of humankind, then by all means, take those 6 AP classes. But if you're the type of person who only takes 6 AP classes because 5 AP classes is too minimal, why? Why do these things matter? I have not laughed or smiled in so long that I have forgotten what it means to be blissfully happy. In my mind somewhere, a shadow of a homework problem lurks, always creeping up and dampening my mood. I have not spent quality time with my family because my weekends have been filled with doing homework and extracurriculars. I have not talked to my little brother except for the couple of words we exchange when seeing each other around the house. What I find to be particularly amazing is that whenever my friends and I do get the chance to hangout, we ban the topic of school and politics from any conversation. None of us can talk about school nor the current presidency and we end up discussing the most interesting of topics and having a grand ol' time. So I guess what I'm saying is that everyone needs to take a chill pill. We have to breathe, calm down, look around, and realize that the world is a beautiful place. The weather is beautiful (where I live at least), the sun is shining, and everything is going to be okay. I'm not doing so well in math right now but I will turn my grade around. There is no point in obsessing and critiquing every second of every decision I make at school, because in the end, none of it matters. The title "valedictorian" will be a distant memory by the time you're 60. The prospect of taking 6 AP's will sound hilarious when you're an adult paying taxes. What I am saying, my friends, is to simply breathe and enjoy everything that life has to offer outside the confines of school. Do not be marginalized to school, school, school. Live a little, laugh a little, smile a little, and understand that we only get one chance at being a teenager. Do not let that chance go to waste. Until next time. -Judy Hello everybody! I would like to formerly apologize my not posting last week; I was absolutely swamped with homework. Long story short, I had a math essay that's worth a significant portion of my final grade and I remembered the wrong due date. As a result, I didn't start it until the night before. Public service announcement: remember the due dates of your projects. Don't pull a Judy. Okay anyways, hopefully you guys enjoy this little blog post today.
I think that in high school, we are more defined by what grade we're in rather than our age. Everyone in 9th grade is a freshman. They're not 14 or 15, but rather the little ones on the big kids' playground. We're the little fishies that are too hyper or over exaggerate or complain too much about homework. It isn't until junior year (where you turn 16) and senior year (where you turn 18) when people actually come to recognize your age. My friends, I am only a 14 year old. I am only a 14 year old. I am barely a teenager. I have not experienced heartbreak, loss, grief or any of the "big, adult" emotions. I have not driven a car nor gone to those cliche high school parties nor snuck out of my house at 1 in the morning to run into the ocean. I have not lived. And yet, why is it that I feel so much older? It's as if I am burdened by stress, anxiety, societal pressures that keep me from laughing or smiling or simply living. I have actually noticed that I've come to smile less. My tone has turned from bouncy and light-hearted to sarcastic and annoyed. Since when did that happen? In my mind, there's always something wrong or something that causes anxiety. In essence, I am 14 year old girl carrying the stress and anxiety of a 19 year old. Please tell me this isn't some twisted psychotic delusion I have created and that thousands of teenagers can relate. Please tell me that this is somewhat normal. Because if it's not, then what the hell am I doing wrong? Is it because I care too much about school? Or just the fact that I care too much in general? The stress and anxiety that rests upon my shoulders has soured my mood and blocked my writing and overall, made my life a helluva lot shittier. Days like this, where it's my little brother's birthday (shoutout to Daniel) and he's only a lil' kid, makes me feel young. Yes, I am a high schooler. Yes, I am a teenager. But those things do not define me. Those things do not make me feel alive or new or shiny or happy. It seems that it's only normal for us teenagers to get little sleep or to always be doing homework. Whatever happened to enjoying life? Whatever happened to walking home on a beautiful day in a beautiful city without being dragged down by problems lurking in the back of the brain? Whatever happened to appreciating the colorful sunsets or towering trees? I guess instead of smiling and loving life as a 14 year old should, I (and along with basically everyone I know) spent my days curled over a chemistry textbook, hovering over a computer, eyes drifting shut in a heap of homework. When I was in middle school, I remember that I loved to go on walks with music blasting in my ears. There was this little street next to mine that opened up this vast canyon and on a clear day, you could see the ocean. I would breathe in the air and taste the freshness and not be encumbered by school because in that moment, nothing mattered. It was just pre-teen me and a huge mountain. But now, I guess it's different. Everyone's worried about college and their future. They chew on their nails, pull out their hair, scratch their head, and worry endlessly about the years to come. They plan every single moment of their lives to make sure everything goes perfectly. And I hate to say this, but I'm one of them. I care too much about school to not enjoy the little things in life. This is why balance is so important. To know when to care and when not to care. To know when to stop and when to start. To know when to give and when to take. To know when to stay indoors and when to go outside. Alas, it's hard to find that. People like me push and push and push and just keep pushing without a second thought. But days like today, I realize that I'm only a 14 year old. I have a lifetime to stress and worry. Might as well spend today appreciating what I have as a kid. Because years later, the only emotion that will appear will be regret. Until next time, Judy Hello beautiful people! Can you believe that it's already nearing the end of February? Honestly, second semester of freshman year is passing by quicker than I imagined. Soon, I will have to embrace the harsh reality of sophomore year and it's baggage...also known as AP classes (sighs). Anyways, I hope that you enjoy this little post!
Sometimes, it is the little moments in life, the briefest of memories, that create pure happiness. Sure, you have your high school graduation day or when you received your college acceptance letter or when you turned 18 or any of those milestones that dominate our young adulthood. But what about the other memories? The little things that are overshadowed by the grandeur those memories possess. We sometimes take for granted the little things in life. And we forget how much they mean to us until they're gone (not to sound incredibly cliche or cheesy, but sometimes, the incredibly cliche or cheesy things are quite correct). For me, something seemingly insignificant can bring such happiness and make my day so much better. These moments make you feel more optimistic about your week and give you a measure of hope that cannot be attained through any other means. So without further ado, here are some "little things" that make me head-over-heels joyous. :)
Of course there are probably thousands of little things that make me over the moon happy. Unfortunately, my brain does not have the capacity to come up with these memories as it is incredibly tired from school already. I guess the whole moral of the story (or the blog post, haha) is to be a little more mindful of what you do. Because who knows how others can perceive this action? Maybe it can make their day or break it. Do not be the one who decides. Until next time, -Judy Hello my beautiful people and a happy Valentine's Day to all! Today also happens to be my good friend Joey's birthday. Anyways, hopefully this post presents something a lil' bit interesting and a lil' bit of a pick-me-up. Enjoy!
We've all heard the saying: beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And of course in the spirit of Valentine's Day, certain people perceive beauty differently. Couples in relationships obviously view one another as attractive, even if others don't. This concept or mantra, does not apply to worthiness. Worthiness is not in the eye of the beholder. Certain people cannot determine whether or not you are worthy. Worthiness is not derived from a societal norm that beauty is (for example: if it was common for all women to have whiskers, we would have whiskers surgically added). Worthiness exists and is derived from within. It is within us that we find our dignity. Our identity. Our worthiness. And this "worth" cannot be determined by other people. That cannot be judged based on other people's perception of you. I cannot emphasize how exactly important this is, especially when Valentine's Day rolls around. I know that a lot of girls are probably wondering whether or not they're "good enough" to date or "good enough" to get asked out on a date or simply "good enough." They wonder if a guy or a girl can ever like them. And as these horrid thoughts flash across someone's brain, their self-value or self-perception of themselves decreases exponentially. My friends, you are loved. Whether it be by your teachers (although it might not seem so due to the suffocating amount of homework) or your family (even your annoying little brother that always takes your stuff) or your friends (even if they're sarcastic and mean, you know that you're appreciated), you are loved. I cannot stress how important self-worth is important to one's self-confidence. If you do not think that you are worthy enough to date someone, then you'll soon start to believe that you're not worthy enough to live. And that is not something that I would ever wish upon my worst enemy. For that is not a hatred towards others, but a hatred towards one's self, and that is deeply saddening. To all the single ladies out there (oh yes, Beyonce started playing in my head too, you're not the only one), be proud that you are single. You do not need a guy or a girl to tell you that you're beautiful. You just are. You don't need a sense of validation given by your significant other! That validation should come from within and be accepted with the brightest of smiles. My friends, you are worth so much. Not one person can ever replace your personality, your looks, your talents, as hard as it may seem to acknowledge this. Personally, the idea of being replaceable or secondary to someone better than me at everything, breaks my heart. It hurts, a lot, to feel that if one day, you disappeared, no one would care. I am here to tell you that people will care. People will come for you because you are worthy of them to come. You are worthy to be loved by someone. You are worthy to be appreciated. You do not need a boyfriend or a girlfriend to kiss you and say you are pretty because you were pretty to begin with! I just wanted to say my 2 cents on this little shindig of a blog because serious stuff like this goes unnoticed. You see teddy bears and chocolate roses and red balloons and you think of love and gifts and relationships (If you are in a healthy relationship though, I give you my congratulations and wish you the best). Valentine's Day paints a beautiful picture with only couples in it (I know that there's GALentine's Day, but c'mon, who actually celebrates that?). What V-Day should be, is a time of rejoice, of loving others and feeling loved, of appreciation and acceptance. Here's to not feeling as if you have to depend on someone else for feeling worthy :) Until next time, -Judy |
Judy ZhangJust a teenage girl writing about her teenage life. |